What does God believe?

Could religions be fused with atheism? If there were a belief in that, I would be one of the first to be active in it. When people ask me whether I believe in God or not, I really can't answer it. I think the question of God's existence is one of the unanswerable mystery in life.

I envy those people who I think are super cool with their revolutionary t-shirts and state their atheism out loud in the crowd, like Marxist, commies, etc. They just truly believe that God is NOT up there. I can't see any fear of God in their eyes. I used to want to be one of them, but somehow it is just getting harder and harder everyday, considering how I was brought up and the religious environment I am currently surrounded with.

For me, now, rejecting God is just impossible. Well, I can't really say it's impossible. It just keeps fluctuating, I am anything but indecisive on this. The idea of fully accepting God is repugnant on the other hand. Sometimes fanaticism around me is REVOLTING and that's why sometimes I really detest religions, despite being a Catholic myself.

People can easily say "Yes of course Jesus exists. Those who don't believe in him would go to hell." How would they say this? There are 6 billions or more people on earth, and not all of them are educated. Some of them perhaps don't even understand what the word 'religion' means and would not be given a chance to negotiate with Jesus in their after life, and go straight down there, just because they didn't know Jesus? Just because they did not have the opportunity to get to know him? Not because they were evil while they were alive?

I remember what someone used to tell me, believing in God and Jesus does not have to believe he is up there, watching on us, but instead we believe in what His teaching. Love, justice, yea nice things which can't be completely inflamed in the world today. But why, why, why, some people are soooo fanatic and ultimately sickeningly convincing during public speaking? That just makes them sound like hypocrites and ultimately... assholes. Well, this is what I think. You don't have to believe in me, fyi.

In fact, the idea of believing in Jesus' teaching is something which I can quite accept and understand. The reality ironically shows otherwise. People mention God, Christ, Jesus all the time in the media. And what they laboriously propagate about? WAR. For God's sake, Christ's sake, Jesus's sake, they do WAR. WHY.

But thinking and writing on this fortunately makes me understand things a little bit better. Nah, what I've been doing and nagging so far has been a little bit bias.

I've associated the religious ones as those who believe in war, whereas the non religious ones as anti war. That's not true. I was thinking of John Lennon only, but forgetting thousands other atheists who believe different things from him. This is because I just got an e-mail which really annoyed me.

It says how people who insulted God died horribly, i.e. Marilyn Monroe, the guy who built Titanic, AC/DC with their Highway to Hell song, and of course... John Lennon. John Lennon was told that he said The Beatles was more famous than Jesus. (ps. I'm paraphrasing here, I'm not really sure what the real quote here is. It's somewhere along that line) and in the end he got shot. It really irritated me since I LOVE John Lennon. I adore 'Imagine' and I like how he thinks religions often lead to conflicts. His thinking is inspirational and rational.

Why can't religions be rational once in a while? That's another thing which bothers me with religions. And THE RULES which most religions have. How do they know the rules are true? Like banning homosexuals and abortion and euthanasia. Yes, fine, bible says 'thou shalt not kill' but how do they know God (Christ, Jesus, however He is called) does not change His mind? Yea, it sounds super funny. But I think it would be super cool if God changes his mind. What I mean here isn't like the idea of God being a girl who changes her mind and be in dilemma all the time in deciding whether she should use red halter neck or black strapless. But God being flexible. Like... I don't know... Bribing, for example. It is kind of a sin (I think, not really sure on this). But consider a country which bribes all the time. Bribing is in the country's culture. If one does not bribe, he would be killed (yes it is an extreme hyptothetical example, but that just came out on top of my head). Since he is a super religious man, he then does not want to bribe, and just accepts when he gets killed. I know this example is very weak and absurd, but can't think of others at the moment.

Okay, fine, I've been trying to avoid this matter, (since it's is a complicated matter I believe) but just so I can give a nice and sufficient example. Homosexuals. Gays and lesbians. Why two people who are in love with each other is a sin? I don't get it.

There are so many things that I don't get in life. Sometimes I just want to ask God, "God, what do you believe in?" I am not trying to mock God. I want to understand him.